One night my wife had a vivid dream that she was riding on a very crowded public bus. Many people were standing. She noticed a very short older woman who looked like she had lived a hard life. This woman tried to keep her balance the best she could with nothing to hang on to. At one point the bus braked sharply and someone knocked into the woman, who reacted loudly in anger. Someone on the bus reminded her that it was crowded and everyone was doing the best they could. This just seemed to inflame her more. Several more people chimed in to try to calm her down, but this seemed to do nothing but escalate the situation. She reacted like a caged animal, lashing out at anyone who approached or spoke to her.
My wife bravely leaned in very quietly and asked her for her name, which she gave her. Very quietly my wife said to this woman, “I think you’ve been hurt a lot in your life.” The woman’s hardened expression turned to surprise, then tears. “Why would you say that?” she asked brusquely. “Because of your need to protect yourself” my wife whispered gently.
She asked if she could give the woman a hug, who said “no”, but her animosity and anger were gone. Then she woke up.
Am I hurting others? The lesson in the dream
This dream taught us both a great lesson. Hurt people hurt people. Chances are good that you are the person who has been hurt. Since hurt people hurt people, you may be passing along the pain inside of you to those around you.
Compassion and Understanding
Chances are also good that you see those around you hurting others. Understanding that hurt people hurt people can lead to compassion for the one who reacts with animosity and anger. This does NOT mean we allow ourselves to be abused. It simply means we understand there is hurt and pain underneath their behavior.
Whether you are the person who has been hurt, watching others be hurt, or doing the hurting yourself, we can help you. Click here to connect with one of our mentors today.
